1 00:00:01,902 --> 00:00:04,669 [beeping] 2 00:00:04,772 --> 00:00:07,873 Since I was a kid, I've been able to sleep through anything. 3 00:00:07,975 --> 00:00:12,210 Storms, sirens, you name it. Last night, I didn't sleep. 4 00:00:14,447 --> 00:00:17,616 I guess I get a little goofy when I'm nervous. 5 00:00:17,718 --> 00:00:19,418 [growls] 6 00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:22,921 You see, today isn't just any other day. 7 00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:24,456 It's my first day. 8 00:00:24,558 --> 00:00:26,158 I'm the man. 9 00:00:34,334 --> 00:00:38,637 Three years of pre-med, four years of med school and tons of unpaid loans 10 00:00:38,739 --> 00:00:40,449 have made me realize one thing... 11 00:00:40,473 --> 00:00:42,941 Could you go drop an NG tube on the patient in 234 12 00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:45,677 and call the attending if the lavage is positive? 13 00:00:45,779 --> 00:00:47,913 I don't know Jack. 14 00:00:49,016 --> 00:00:52,116 ♪ I can't do this all on my own ♪ 15 00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:55,954 ♪ No, I know I'm no Superman ♪ 16 00:00:59,426 --> 00:01:01,493 ♪ I'm no Superman ♪ 17 00:01:04,831 --> 00:01:06,431 So this is my story. 18 00:01:06,533 --> 00:01:08,633 I'm supposed to be up in intensive care. 19 00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:10,102 Good, we just turfed him there. 20 00:01:10,204 --> 00:01:12,504 I became a doctor to help people, 21 00:01:12,606 --> 00:01:14,773 but orientation yesterday... 22 00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:16,841 It didn't really focus on patient care. 23 00:01:16,943 --> 00:01:19,022 The hospital doesn't wanna be sued. 24 00:01:19,046 --> 00:01:21,079 Being sued is not a good thing. 25 00:01:21,181 --> 00:01:23,114 - Hey, Turk? - What's up? 26 00:01:23,216 --> 00:01:25,584 You know how I'm totally down with the rap music? 27 00:01:25,686 --> 00:01:28,620 Dude, be whiter. 28 00:01:28,722 --> 00:01:31,856 Chris Turk's my best friend. We roomed together in college. 29 00:01:31,958 --> 00:01:33,791 We roomed together in med school. 30 00:01:33,893 --> 00:01:36,728 Hell, we even got accepted by the same hospital. 31 00:01:38,698 --> 00:01:41,266 Here's the thing. Tupac, DMX, Dr. Dre, 32 00:01:41,368 --> 00:01:45,437 in most of their songs, these artists use an extremely volatile racial slur... 33 00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:47,305 - The "N" word. - I got it. 34 00:01:47,408 --> 00:01:50,575 Right. My question is this: if we're both singing along, 35 00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:53,178 and knowing otherwise I would never use the word, 36 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,480 - am I allowed to say... - No. 37 00:01:55,582 --> 00:01:57,715 That's good for me to know. I didn't know that. 38 00:01:57,817 --> 00:02:01,053 Finally, doctors, if there is a mistake, 39 00:02:01,155 --> 00:02:03,488 don't admit it to the patient. 40 00:02:03,590 --> 00:02:08,727 Of course, if the patient is deceased, and you're sure... 41 00:02:08,828 --> 00:02:13,865 you can feel free to tell him or her... anything. 42 00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:16,034 [laughs nervously] 43 00:02:18,105 --> 00:02:19,504 Hey, I found us an apartment. 44 00:02:19,606 --> 00:02:24,676 Okay, gang, I'm Dr. Bob Kelso, and I'm your Chief of Medicine, 45 00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:29,081 so I just want to encourage you all to think of me as your safety net. 46 00:02:29,183 --> 00:02:33,251 Because I promise you, we're a family here. 47 00:02:33,353 --> 00:02:36,388 Now, then, go get 'em, doctors. 48 00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:39,424 The surgical interns are gonna go grab a beer. 49 00:02:39,526 --> 00:02:42,294 The medical interns are having a Pac-Man tournament. 50 00:02:42,396 --> 00:02:44,329 Apparently, we're all twelve. 51 00:02:44,431 --> 00:02:45,764 I love Pac-Man. 52 00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:48,767 Me, too. I love watching it, I, I, I love playing it, 53 00:02:48,869 --> 00:02:51,236 I love all of it. 54 00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:53,972 - I'm Elliot. - [as E.T.] Ell-i-ot... 55 00:02:54,074 --> 00:02:55,540 Yeah, don't do that. 56 00:02:55,642 --> 00:02:57,909 I'm J.D. This is Turk. 57 00:02:58,011 --> 00:03:00,144 Elliot, are you medical or surgical? 58 00:03:00,246 --> 00:03:01,446 Medical. 59 00:03:02,615 --> 00:03:04,349 [thinks] Ha-ha! Hello. 60 00:03:04,451 --> 00:03:06,171 Every male in my family is a doctor. 61 00:03:06,253 --> 00:03:09,220 My dad, granddad, brother. That's why Dad gave me a guy's name, 62 00:03:09,322 --> 00:03:11,256 made me play sports, date girls. I'm joking. 63 00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:14,258 I know. I would've laughed if you'd paused. 64 00:03:15,229 --> 00:03:17,061 Anyway, I know what you're thinking. 65 00:03:17,163 --> 00:03:19,730 [J.D.] Your butt looks like two Pringles hugging. 66 00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:22,300 - No, you don't. - I'm Miss "Hyper-Competitive." 67 00:03:22,402 --> 00:03:26,904 It used to be a big problem for me. Used to. Past tense. 68 00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:30,108 Hey. 69 00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:31,976 Are we, like, racing? 70 00:03:32,078 --> 00:03:33,445 Yes! 71 00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,948 Please, I'm not that desperate. 72 00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:41,319 No! 73 00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:54,466 [cheering] 74 00:03:59,039 --> 00:04:01,406 - [pants] - So, you do a lot of cardio? 75 00:04:01,508 --> 00:04:02,673 Oh, yes. 76 00:04:02,775 --> 00:04:04,943 Elliot Reid? John Dorian? Great. 77 00:04:05,045 --> 00:04:08,379 One, I am your resident, Dr. Jeffrey Steadman. Not "Jeff". 78 00:04:08,481 --> 00:04:10,148 Two, here are your manuals. 79 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,583 Notice how quickly some people make an impression? 80 00:04:12,685 --> 00:04:15,620 I am a tool. I am a tool. I am a tool, tool, tool. 81 00:04:15,722 --> 00:04:18,023 - An unbelievably annoying tool. - Yeah. 82 00:04:18,124 --> 00:04:22,160 Yeah. Finally, these are your beepers. From now on, they control your life. 83 00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:23,394 Okay? Thanks. Move it. 84 00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:25,130 - Back to today. - [beeper] 85 00:04:25,232 --> 00:04:28,400 - I was, uh, I was paged. - Oh, first day, Bambi? 86 00:04:28,501 --> 00:04:31,903 Carla will take care of you. Don't look at me when we're moving someone. 87 00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:34,406 Why? 88 00:04:34,507 --> 00:04:37,208 - We're waiting for Dr. Cox. - [J.D.] Hi, doctor... 89 00:04:37,311 --> 00:04:39,744 - Place an IV for me. - We'll talk later. 90 00:04:39,846 --> 00:04:41,313 Carla, can I ask you a question? 91 00:04:41,415 --> 00:04:44,449 Do you spray the perfume on or fill your bathtub up 92 00:04:44,551 --> 00:04:47,185 - and splash around in it? - I smell nice. 93 00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,988 You've done this to cadavers before. This guy's alive. 94 00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:51,956 Just poke it through his skin. Now! 95 00:04:52,058 --> 00:04:54,203 [whistles] Time's up. Carla, will you do it? 96 00:04:54,227 --> 00:04:56,394 - I need an ABG. - Why are you telling her? 97 00:04:56,496 --> 00:04:59,030 - Shut up and watch. - Be nice to Bambi. 98 00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:02,467 Why has this gomer got to try and die every day during my lunch? 99 00:05:02,569 --> 00:05:04,836 - That's a little insensitive. - [thunder] 100 00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:06,371 Mistake. 101 00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:09,207 Man's 92, has full dementia. He doesn't know we're here. 102 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:12,310 He is inches from Carla's rack and hasn't even flinched. 103 00:05:12,412 --> 00:05:15,480 - Aw, that is so sweet. - Yeah, it is. 104 00:05:15,582 --> 00:05:17,716 What about his subconscious? 105 00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:21,119 Eisenhower... was a sissy. 106 00:05:23,590 --> 00:05:25,924 I think by the grace of God, we're gonna be okay. 107 00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:29,060 Oh, and from now on, whenever I'm in the room, 108 00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:31,863 you're definitely not allowed to talk. 109 00:05:34,301 --> 00:05:38,302 Now, Dr. Dorian, can you tell me what ailment most often... 110 00:05:38,405 --> 00:05:41,105 I think I'm gonna love rounds. It's like being on a game show. 111 00:05:41,207 --> 00:05:42,740 - [bell] - What is uremia? 112 00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:48,246 That's my boy. Hey, nice clean job on the foley catheter. 113 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:53,351 I had a nurse do it. I'm still afraid to touch anybody. 114 00:05:53,454 --> 00:05:56,587 I've been thinking a lot about Elliot. A whole lot. 115 00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:59,056 Dr. Reid, you're late. 116 00:05:59,159 --> 00:06:00,826 I got puked on. 117 00:06:00,928 --> 00:06:04,796 You're off the hook if you can tell me what to look for in a uremic patient. 118 00:06:04,898 --> 00:06:07,298 Anyway, I'm going for it. 119 00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:09,500 - [whispers] Infection. - Infection? 120 00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:13,371 That's my girl. Moving on. 121 00:06:13,473 --> 00:06:15,507 - I knew the answer. - I'm sure you did. 122 00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:17,649 - I'm just frazzled. - How could you not be? 123 00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:19,021 - With the... - I know, yeah. 124 00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:21,246 Thanks. If there's anything I can do for you... 125 00:06:21,348 --> 00:06:24,416 You could let me take you to dinner tomorrow night. 126 00:06:25,285 --> 00:06:27,285 Around seven? 127 00:06:27,388 --> 00:06:28,820 Or eight? 128 00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:30,856 Why not? 129 00:06:30,958 --> 00:06:32,090 Nice! 130 00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:35,226 "Why not?" That's what she said. 131 00:06:35,328 --> 00:06:37,195 "Why not?" 132 00:06:37,297 --> 00:06:39,398 Daddy, why did you marry Mommy? 133 00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:42,200 Well, Tiger, I gave her an answer during rounds 134 00:06:42,302 --> 00:06:43,969 and she screwed my brains out. 135 00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:46,270 - [TV audience laughs] - You're the man. 136 00:06:46,372 --> 00:06:48,473 [more laughter] 137 00:06:52,178 --> 00:06:54,545 [TV audience whoops] 138 00:06:57,751 --> 00:07:00,885 - What the hell are you doing? - [record scratches] 139 00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:03,421 Did you actually just page me 140 00:07:03,523 --> 00:07:06,791 to find out how much Tylenol to give to Mrs. Lenzer? 141 00:07:06,893 --> 00:07:09,093 I was worried it could exacerbate... 142 00:07:09,195 --> 00:07:13,064 It's regular-strength Tylenol. Here's what you do. 143 00:07:13,167 --> 00:07:16,534 Get her to open her mouth, take a handful, and throw it at her. 144 00:07:16,636 --> 00:07:18,736 Whatever sticks, that's the correct dosage. 145 00:07:18,839 --> 00:07:23,307 And under no circumstances are you to compromise our no-talking agreement. 146 00:07:23,410 --> 00:07:25,944 Dr. Kelso is always saying "You gotta stay posi..." 147 00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:29,213 I'm gonna go ahead and say this just as carefully as possible, 148 00:07:29,315 --> 00:07:30,649 so I don't overstate it. 149 00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:34,653 Dr. Kelso is the most evil human being on the planet 150 00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:38,356 and may in fact be Satan himself. 151 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:41,259 It's just that this isn't what I expected, you know? 152 00:07:41,361 --> 00:07:43,795 Most of my patients are... 153 00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:49,333 older, and sorta checked-out, mentally. 154 00:07:49,435 --> 00:07:52,470 Pumpkin, that's modern medicine. 155 00:07:52,572 --> 00:07:57,609 Advances that keep people alive who should've died a long time ago. 156 00:07:57,711 --> 00:07:59,777 Back when they lost what made them people. 157 00:07:59,879 --> 00:08:02,146 Now, your job is to stay sane enough 158 00:08:02,248 --> 00:08:04,950 so when someone does come in that you actually can help, 159 00:08:05,052 --> 00:08:07,218 you're not so brain-dead you can't function. 160 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:10,321 For the love of God, what? 161 00:08:10,423 --> 00:08:12,923 Should we be talking about this in front of... 162 00:08:13,025 --> 00:08:15,660 Her? She's dead. 163 00:08:15,762 --> 00:08:18,363 Write this down, newbie. If you push around a stiff, 164 00:08:18,465 --> 00:08:21,733 nobody'll ask you to do anything. 165 00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,668 You've been like a father to me. 166 00:08:23,770 --> 00:08:25,436 Fair enough. Want some real advice? 167 00:08:25,538 --> 00:08:27,906 If they find out nurses are doing your procedures, 168 00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:30,374 you'll be kicked out so quick, your head will spin. 169 00:08:30,476 --> 00:08:31,843 And there it is. 170 00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:34,011 Have a terrific day. 171 00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:40,417 I'm not really dead. 172 00:08:40,521 --> 00:08:42,987 Okay, Bambi, here's Mrs. Lenzer's tox screen... 173 00:08:43,089 --> 00:08:45,723 I wonder if Turk's having the same experience I am? 174 00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:48,193 - I am such a stud. - Probably not. 175 00:08:48,295 --> 00:08:50,896 This morning, I had my hands inside of a guy's chest. 176 00:08:50,998 --> 00:08:55,166 I couldn't even see them. I should not be allowed to do stuff like that. 177 00:08:55,835 --> 00:08:57,401 Wassup? 178 00:08:57,503 --> 00:08:59,604 - You weren't scared? - One way or another, 179 00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:01,405 everyone stops bleeding. 180 00:09:01,507 --> 00:09:03,975 - That is so deep. - No, it isn't. 181 00:09:04,077 --> 00:09:05,309 It's a little deep. 182 00:09:05,411 --> 00:09:06,911 Hey, about the apartment... 183 00:09:07,014 --> 00:09:09,080 T-Man! [roars] 184 00:09:09,182 --> 00:09:12,149 [Turk laughs] What up, boy, how you doing? 185 00:09:12,251 --> 00:09:13,952 - All right. - Todd, J.D. 186 00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,987 J.D., this is my man Todd. 187 00:09:16,089 --> 00:09:17,855 What's goin'... Ow! 188 00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:20,291 [J.D.] And like that, I was back in high school. 189 00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:23,327 Surgical interns are all slice 'em and dice 'em. The jocks. 190 00:09:23,429 --> 00:09:25,997 Medical interns, we're trained to think about the body. 191 00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:28,533 Diagnose, test. Medical interns, well... 192 00:09:28,635 --> 00:09:30,875 You got a stain. [laughs] 193 00:09:31,804 --> 00:09:33,338 we're the chess club. 194 00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:36,107 [Muzak] 195 00:09:36,209 --> 00:09:40,312 I just have bad gas. What are you testing me for? 196 00:09:40,414 --> 00:09:43,380 We need to know if your gas could be harmful to others. 197 00:09:43,482 --> 00:09:44,749 [ding] 198 00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:48,419 He's just scared. Talk to him. 199 00:09:48,521 --> 00:09:53,324 Look, Mr. Burski, I heard a systolic murmur in your heart, 200 00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:56,194 which is most likely nothing, but if I don't check you out, 201 00:09:56,295 --> 00:09:59,697 - I'll worry about you all day. - Then I'll do it. For you. 202 00:09:59,799 --> 00:10:01,632 You're a good man. 203 00:10:02,969 --> 00:10:05,903 [woman on P.A.] Dr. Farley, call O.B.G.Y.N. 204 00:10:06,005 --> 00:10:08,373 Dr. Farley, call O.B.G.Y.N. 205 00:10:08,475 --> 00:10:11,108 I'm waiting for someone. 206 00:10:11,210 --> 00:10:15,413 The door is broke. Probably the fifth time or so it don't open. 207 00:10:15,515 --> 00:10:17,248 Maybe there's a penny stuck in there. 208 00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:20,585 - Why a penny? - I don't know. 209 00:10:20,687 --> 00:10:23,421 - Did you stick a penny in it? - No, I was making small talk. 210 00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:27,858 If I find a penny in there... I'm taking you down. 211 00:10:28,995 --> 00:10:30,829 Welcome to rounds, kids. 212 00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:33,964 Elliot is the only thing keeping me from losing my mind. 213 00:10:34,066 --> 00:10:35,834 She is my dream girl. 214 00:10:35,936 --> 00:10:37,935 The necrosis and infected stool 215 00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:40,738 most likely indicate what, Dr. Dorian? 216 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:42,240 [ticking] 217 00:10:42,342 --> 00:10:44,909 [horn] 218 00:10:45,878 --> 00:10:48,079 [whispers] I don't know. 219 00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:49,981 Sir, I have no idea. 220 00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:51,916 Dr. Reid, can you help him out? 221 00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:54,752 I'd say it's superior mesenteric insufficiency. 222 00:10:54,854 --> 00:10:56,086 [horn] 223 00:10:57,924 --> 00:11:01,492 That's my girl. Patient number two. 224 00:11:02,796 --> 00:11:05,596 "I'd say it's superior..." [babbles] 225 00:11:05,698 --> 00:11:08,700 [reggae music] 226 00:11:08,802 --> 00:11:11,569 Draining Ms. Pratt's stomach fluid will get my spirits up. 227 00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:14,539 - Circles for you. - Shut up and do it. 228 00:11:14,641 --> 00:11:19,777 Fantastic. Now just suck out the fluid with the giant needle. 229 00:11:19,879 --> 00:11:22,047 This needle's too big. I'm gonna get a nurse. 230 00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:24,682 Learn by doing. Learn by doing. 231 00:11:26,219 --> 00:11:30,187 Why couldn't I do that? I hated him at that moment. 232 00:11:32,526 --> 00:11:35,026 Okay, maybe the needle was a little too big. 233 00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:37,428 - [J.D.] You think? - What's going on down there? 234 00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,964 Nothing, ma'am. This is totally normal. 235 00:11:41,067 --> 00:11:43,201 So are you gonna move your stuff in or what? 236 00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:47,038 That's why I came by. I think it's better if we both branched out a little. 237 00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:50,008 Tell him you think that's stupid. Tell him you need him. 238 00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:52,843 Yeah. I feel the same way. 239 00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:56,147 [reggae grows louder] 240 00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:01,853 So what's it like being a young hotshot doctor? 241 00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:05,790 It's like, did you ever go see a movie everyone told you was great 242 00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:07,826 then because of all the expectations, 243 00:12:07,928 --> 00:12:09,294 you ended up disappointed? 244 00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:12,296 Movies nowadays have too many special effects. 245 00:12:12,398 --> 00:12:14,109 Yeah, that was pretty much my point. 246 00:12:14,133 --> 00:12:16,000 - [beeper] - My first code. 247 00:12:16,102 --> 00:12:19,203 Here's how it works. Someone's heart fails, they beep everyone. 248 00:12:19,305 --> 00:12:21,372 The first doctor in has to run the room, 249 00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:23,841 basically decide if a patient lives or dies. 250 00:12:23,943 --> 00:12:26,310 What, am I crazy? 251 00:12:27,546 --> 00:12:28,546 Ah! 252 00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,548 You chicken. 253 00:12:30,650 --> 00:12:34,085 Don't worry about the patient. Turk was there, "learning by doing". 254 00:12:34,187 --> 00:12:35,786 Charged. Clear. 255 00:12:35,888 --> 00:12:38,089 - [screams in agony] - Oh, my God! 256 00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:41,626 Plus, the guy was just sleeping, attached to a faulty monitor. 257 00:12:41,728 --> 00:12:43,739 I thought we cared about each other... 258 00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:46,397 If you didn't want to sleep with me, you'd have done the same. 259 00:12:46,499 --> 00:12:49,500 The last thing I wanna do is sleep with you now. 260 00:12:50,570 --> 00:12:52,870 - Do me right here. - Okay. 261 00:12:52,973 --> 00:12:54,538 - See? - [growls] 262 00:12:54,641 --> 00:12:56,707 [door handle clicks] 263 00:12:56,809 --> 00:12:59,077 Right. Pass me a trach kit. 264 00:13:00,981 --> 00:13:02,680 Thanks. 265 00:13:03,983 --> 00:13:06,317 Our date is, is totally canceled. 266 00:13:10,890 --> 00:13:12,991 I was sitting on the floor for two reasons. 267 00:13:13,093 --> 00:13:15,560 One, I tried to lock Elliot in that supply closet 268 00:13:15,662 --> 00:13:17,227 and she kicked me. Hard. 269 00:13:17,330 --> 00:13:20,030 And two, the on-call room was locked. 270 00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:24,002 Come on, I got like ten minutes to sleep. 271 00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:25,637 Wait. 272 00:13:25,705 --> 00:13:27,839 Tell me if I'm going too fast, okay? 273 00:13:27,941 --> 00:13:29,373 Lose the clothes. 274 00:13:32,646 --> 00:13:34,979 I heard that Turk was gonna move in with Todd. 275 00:13:35,081 --> 00:13:38,115 I'm surprised that high-fiving freak isn't in there with him. 276 00:13:38,218 --> 00:13:40,051 Damn, this is hot. 277 00:13:41,521 --> 00:13:42,854 Nice. 278 00:13:42,956 --> 00:13:44,122 Your turn. 279 00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:47,125 No, I gotta get back, but very nice. 280 00:13:48,928 --> 00:13:51,462 Oh, hey, Bambi. [chuckles] 281 00:13:51,564 --> 00:13:53,831 So, uh, I'll call you, okay? 282 00:13:53,933 --> 00:13:56,234 - Give me a big "ahh". - Ahh. 283 00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:58,169 - A big-boy "ahh". - [louder] Ahh. 284 00:13:58,271 --> 00:14:00,371 Turk practically had sex in the on-call room. 285 00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:03,707 You realize, of course, I have no idea who Turk is, 286 00:14:03,809 --> 00:14:06,076 but good for him. 287 00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:10,848 You see, Billy, it turns out that sex is life-affirming. 288 00:14:10,950 --> 00:14:13,584 Now, what do you say, Champ, got a urine sample for me? 289 00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:15,185 But I just did five minutes ago. 290 00:14:15,287 --> 00:14:17,466 I know you did, but here's the thing. 291 00:14:17,490 --> 00:14:20,024 Take this cup, put it on the ground, close your eyes, 292 00:14:20,126 --> 00:14:22,337 and just go nuts. What do you say? 293 00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:24,962 - Cool! - Attaboy. Go get 'em, Champ. 294 00:14:26,065 --> 00:14:28,632 - Why are you here? - Seems like a good kid. 295 00:14:28,734 --> 00:14:31,335 Worried about being on call tonight, aren't you? 296 00:14:31,437 --> 00:14:32,703 Yeah. 297 00:14:32,805 --> 00:14:35,974 Look, worst-case scenario, 298 00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:38,276 you kill somebody, 299 00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,778 and that hangs over your head the rest of your life. 300 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,848 But that is the absolute worst-case scenario. 301 00:14:43,950 --> 00:14:47,117 Just have the nurses do all the stuff you're still too chicken to do, 302 00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:51,021 which I assume is everything, and if you have a really rough admission... 303 00:14:51,124 --> 00:14:52,189 Call you? 304 00:14:52,291 --> 00:14:54,358 No, I was gonna say go hide in the closet again. 305 00:14:54,460 --> 00:14:57,161 - [flushing] - [Billy] Yeehaw! This is fun. 306 00:14:57,263 --> 00:14:59,397 - [man] Hey, nurse? - I'm a doctor, okay? 307 00:14:59,498 --> 00:15:02,266 The stethoscope, the beeper, a doctor, got it? 308 00:15:02,368 --> 00:15:04,168 - Relax. - I just hate it. 309 00:15:04,270 --> 00:15:06,381 I hate "darlings" and "sweethearts". 310 00:15:06,405 --> 00:15:09,373 You don't need to tell me how hard it is being a woman around here. 311 00:15:09,475 --> 00:15:13,710 You're furthering the cause by wearing a thong and hooking up in the on-call room. 312 00:15:13,813 --> 00:15:16,781 - [screeching of tires] - Word gets around. 313 00:15:16,883 --> 00:15:19,317 You talk like that, do you even know my name? 314 00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:23,320 I spend every second of my life either here or taking care of my mom, 315 00:15:23,422 --> 00:15:26,223 so, yeah, maybe I needed a little closeness. 316 00:15:26,325 --> 00:15:28,693 I'm sure you never had a quickie at the club, right? 317 00:15:28,795 --> 00:15:32,262 Or snuck some skinny, flat-butted college boy up to your sorority room. 318 00:15:32,364 --> 00:15:35,333 And my thong? I happen to think it makes my ass look good. 319 00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:38,035 And some days, I need to feel good about something here. 320 00:15:38,137 --> 00:15:40,737 And you judge me? Well, guess what? 321 00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:43,274 Word does get around, Ms. Out-For-Herself. 322 00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:47,645 So you can dump on everyone here if you want, but you will not hurt me. 323 00:15:52,651 --> 00:15:55,419 Her name's Carla, by the way. 324 00:15:55,521 --> 00:15:57,722 - [patient] Ouch. - [J.D.] Yeah. 325 00:15:58,524 --> 00:16:00,091 Carla. 326 00:16:11,404 --> 00:16:16,106 Hey, Champ. First night on call starts soon, huh? 327 00:16:16,208 --> 00:16:17,641 Gosh, you must be excited. 328 00:16:17,743 --> 00:16:18,783 [screams internally] 329 00:16:18,878 --> 00:16:20,377 You betcha. 330 00:16:20,479 --> 00:16:24,082 [chuckles] Oh, about Mrs. Pratt. 331 00:16:24,184 --> 00:16:27,985 I heard you wanted to put her on the hospital's transplant list. 332 00:16:28,088 --> 00:16:31,589 I just thought I'd recommend keeping her on dialysis a little longer. 333 00:16:31,691 --> 00:16:34,025 - Maybe we'll get lucky. - No problem, sir. 334 00:16:34,127 --> 00:16:36,026 Great. Have a ball. 335 00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:37,795 On call. [chuckles] 336 00:16:37,897 --> 00:16:40,264 Little poem for ya. 337 00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:45,903 - [beeping] - [sighs] 338 00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:48,505 [phones ring, overlapping chatter] 339 00:17:26,445 --> 00:17:28,846 Bambi, come on, let's go. 340 00:17:36,289 --> 00:17:39,957 I'll check on you every ten minutes, Mrs. Marino, okay? 341 00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:42,059 I need to see you in Mr. Burski's room. 342 00:17:42,161 --> 00:17:44,428 Are you flirting with me? 343 00:17:45,331 --> 00:17:47,164 You are, aren't you? 344 00:17:49,002 --> 00:17:52,769 He crashed. The attending thinks it was a pulmonary embolism. 345 00:17:52,871 --> 00:17:55,183 No way anyone could've caught it. 346 00:17:55,207 --> 00:17:58,275 - You have to pronounce him. - Why didn't anybody page me? 347 00:17:58,377 --> 00:18:01,979 Could you just pronounce him so I can go home? 348 00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:04,348 I'll never forget that moment. 349 00:18:04,450 --> 00:18:07,150 The way he looked exactly the same... 350 00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:10,387 only completely different. 351 00:18:10,489 --> 00:18:14,692 The shame that all I could think about was how hard this was for me. 352 00:18:18,465 --> 00:18:20,164 Time of death 02:00. 353 00:18:24,470 --> 00:18:26,570 I just wanted to help people. 354 00:18:27,806 --> 00:18:30,341 The hardest part is how quickly you have to move on. 355 00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:32,943 Don't worry, man, you're gonna be fine. 356 00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:36,079 Hey. I lied before, man. 357 00:18:36,182 --> 00:18:38,149 I'm scared every second. 358 00:18:38,251 --> 00:18:40,150 Really? 359 00:18:40,252 --> 00:18:43,787 It's a good thing they make surgical masks, 'cause if they didn't, 360 00:18:43,890 --> 00:18:46,858 everyone would know my face was like this the whole time. 361 00:18:48,728 --> 00:18:51,762 Well, I think it's okay to be scared. 362 00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:53,998 I need you to tell me that every once in a while. 363 00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:55,533 He needs me? 364 00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:59,270 Anyway, I just came to check up on you, see how you're doing. 365 00:18:59,371 --> 00:19:00,904 Ask him to move in again. 366 00:19:01,006 --> 00:19:03,274 You know, Turk, the offer still stands... 367 00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:06,310 Yo. I already took the keys out your bag. 368 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:10,414 I love you. 369 00:19:13,786 --> 00:19:16,420 And like that, I got a second wind. 370 00:19:20,626 --> 00:19:22,893 [high-pitched] I'm watching you. 371 00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:32,469 - How you holding up? - There he is. My safety net. 372 00:19:32,571 --> 00:19:37,574 I saw that you're still pushing to put Mrs. Pratt on the transplant list. 373 00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:42,246 Bad news, though, sport. She doesn't have the insurance to cover it. 374 00:19:42,348 --> 00:19:45,515 Yeah, but she's, like, a second away from total renal failure. 375 00:19:45,617 --> 00:19:47,351 Okay... 376 00:19:47,453 --> 00:19:51,689 Uh, did you ask the Burski family for permission to do an autopsy? 377 00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:53,157 They're still in there with him. 378 00:19:53,259 --> 00:19:56,626 It's a teaching hospital, son, you gotta ask. 379 00:19:56,728 --> 00:19:59,830 Just tell him you can't see Mr. Burski again, he'll understand. 380 00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:02,833 Sir, do you think I could skip just this one? 381 00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:05,368 Why, sure, sport. 382 00:20:05,471 --> 00:20:08,739 See? Every story needs a good guy. 383 00:20:08,841 --> 00:20:12,910 In fact, why don't you just head on home? 384 00:20:13,012 --> 00:20:15,012 You look kinda tired. 385 00:20:15,114 --> 00:20:17,281 I am pretty tired. 386 00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:20,650 Dr. Dorian, do you not realize 387 00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:25,389 that you're nothing but a large pair of scrubs to me? 388 00:20:25,491 --> 00:20:27,891 The only reason I carry this chart around 389 00:20:27,993 --> 00:20:30,494 is so I can pretend to remember your damn names. 390 00:20:30,596 --> 00:20:33,698 Now, look, if the patient has insurance, you treat them. 391 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,100 If they don't, you show them the door. 392 00:20:36,202 --> 00:20:39,002 And if somebody dies, you get the autopsy. 393 00:20:39,104 --> 00:20:40,916 Get it by rounds tomorrow morning 394 00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:43,841 or I'll be scratching your name off my chart. Are we clear? 395 00:20:43,943 --> 00:20:46,243 [demonic voice] Answer me! 396 00:20:46,345 --> 00:20:48,479 Crystal clear. 397 00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:50,247 Great, sport. 398 00:20:52,985 --> 00:20:54,763 I don't get it. If he's the jerk... 399 00:20:54,787 --> 00:20:56,253 [beeper] 400 00:20:56,355 --> 00:20:59,290 then who's the good guy? 401 00:20:59,392 --> 00:21:01,892 Car accident. Crashed in the elevator on the way up. 402 00:21:01,994 --> 00:21:04,694 Gotta relieve the pressure on his chest. J.D., do it. 403 00:21:04,796 --> 00:21:06,129 Oh, God, no. 404 00:21:06,231 --> 00:21:07,898 Look at me. You can do this. 405 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,634 - And I believed him. - [squeaky] Chest tube tray. 406 00:21:10,736 --> 00:21:12,636 You know, kind of. 407 00:21:12,738 --> 00:21:14,738 Come on, baby, let's go. Chop chop. 408 00:21:14,774 --> 00:21:17,941 You can do this. You have to do this. 409 00:21:18,043 --> 00:21:20,577 J.D., cut him or lose him. 410 00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:22,780 Okay, give me the tube. 411 00:21:26,185 --> 00:21:27,885 I can't get through the pleura. 412 00:21:27,987 --> 00:21:30,547 Don't be gentle, get it in there. 413 00:21:31,357 --> 00:21:33,523 Okay, connect it, please, Carla. 414 00:21:36,862 --> 00:21:39,130 - Normal rhythm. - [laughs] No way. 415 00:21:39,232 --> 00:21:42,599 Nay? It's a piece of cake. It's your patient. 416 00:21:42,702 --> 00:21:45,002 You're leaving? 417 00:21:45,704 --> 00:21:47,871 That's your patient, doctor. 418 00:21:52,278 --> 00:21:53,677 Good. 419 00:21:53,779 --> 00:21:55,879 - That's enough. - Sorry. 420 00:21:55,981 --> 00:21:57,781 It's a very big moment for me. 421 00:21:57,883 --> 00:22:02,586 So I guess that's it for now. 31 hours, 12 minutes, and I am... 422 00:22:02,688 --> 00:22:04,188 You finally off? 423 00:22:04,290 --> 00:22:07,391 Almost. I have one more really annoying thing I gotta do. 424 00:22:07,493 --> 00:22:10,360 If it's the Burski autopsy, I called the family 425 00:22:10,463 --> 00:22:13,497 and they said fine, and to thank you, and I'm sorry. 426 00:22:13,599 --> 00:22:15,499 They didn't say that last part, I did. 427 00:22:15,601 --> 00:22:19,636 The worst part was knowing right then I could never forgive her. 428 00:22:20,573 --> 00:22:22,439 I forgive her. 429 00:22:22,541 --> 00:22:24,975 You see, I can't survive on my own. 430 00:22:25,077 --> 00:22:27,777 I'm a dork. A dork. I'm a dork. 431 00:22:27,879 --> 00:22:29,946 Even now, when I finally get to go home, 432 00:22:30,048 --> 00:22:33,050 I'll know the hospital's still here, wide awake. 433 00:22:33,152 --> 00:22:35,853 Bambi, get out while you still can. 434 00:22:36,822 --> 00:22:38,789 You know, what the hell. 435 00:22:38,891 --> 00:22:41,425 The important thing is I got through my first few days 436 00:22:41,527 --> 00:22:43,994 without looking like a complete idiot. 437 00:22:47,467 --> 00:22:49,633 I'm the man.